Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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