Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
