She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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