Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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