with your own penis?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
