Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
