and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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