Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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