the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
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I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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