Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
