Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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