i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
