I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Boobs speak an international language.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
