ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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