At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
