Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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