Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This girl is more easily done than said...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
