our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
