I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
