Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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