YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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