I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize