Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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