No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
