I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
