All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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