so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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