I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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