the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
