so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
