i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
