He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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