so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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