Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Boobs speak an international language.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My ass is underappreciated
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize