I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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