last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
