you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
