We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
