I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
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New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
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I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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