dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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