you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
