So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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