she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
