and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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