He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
