Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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