Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
