Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
