o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
