Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
