She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
