She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
