i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
