you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Girls should come with a carfax report
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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