Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
