Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
