yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
