she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
