he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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