Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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