Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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