my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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