apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
