the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
