Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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