i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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